DL: What is the day in the life of Bill Bailey?

BB: Well, very, very exciting. I get up at the crack of dawn and then I run for 42 miles then drink some de-caffeinated tea which has been strained through muslin, prepared by friars from Tuscany and then I wake-up because that’s all a dream and just shuffle around the room really eating a satsuma. Not very exciting. Not much Rock n’ Roll.

Are you shuffling to anything in particular?

Yeh. To the sounds of nature, the wind in the trees and to Mastodon the new album of The Hunter.

Very nice. What would be the three things that you would take to the moon?

Hmm, the three things I’d take to the moon. I’d take some humus, some carrot batons (does that count as one thing?) And, a telescope to look at the beautiful world that we live on.

What is the favourite musical instrument you own out of the thousands in your collection?

Theremin because you can play it without touching and it’s mysterious and strange and I don’t understand how it works.

There’s a slight voodoo kind of shamanistic kind of quality to it. It’s unknown and ineffable and I think that in a world where so much is known one needs to take time to contact the supernatural.

Where do you find the inspiration for your work?

I think it’s just all in the air, crackling around in the brain, and sometimes you just don’t know where it comes from, it just floats around like some sort of weird intangible ectoplasmic whimsy that you have to try and channel through your own mind. And sometimes you can, sometimes you can’t. I like to feel we’re just vessels for the eternal flame.

Is there any voodoo magic involved?

Well, yes, sometimes and sometimes there are mojitos involved.

So, what’s the most surreal situation that you’ve found yourself in?

Well, there was one quite recently when I was in an Italian restaurant and a couple of people said, “Oh hello Bill” and it was Peter Pervis and the bloke that did Finger Bobs and that was very odd as they were two icons from my childhood and now they’re two slightly drunk blokes in a restaurant going, “We like your stuff” like a couple of lads. It didn’t seem that odd at the time, but it just seemed odder and odder as I was sat there.

So do you have a special way to travel?

Do you mean do I have a special train?

DL: Well, that’s what I thought.

That would be great. In fact, I would love to have that, a secret network of rail lines, only for celebrities.

Why? Do you like celebrities?

No. I mean, if you can keep a shoe shop open a bit longer because of a celebrity, no one can deny that. Getting lumped in with people from Hollyoaks or Peter Andre that’s the down side.

Is that who’s on your train?

Peter Andre is driving it.

So after years of successful live performance what has been the highlight of your journey so far?

Well, quite recently I performed at Knebworth and that has got to be right up there in terms of live performance because it was insane, like a rock gig Well, it was a rock gig effectively. Then it was to 65,000 metal fans in the lashing rain so that was right up there.

So is that your preferred audience?

I think so yes. They’re the most brilliant audience. It’s all or nothing. I can’t ever imagine metal fans politely clapping going, “That was quite good”. They either drag you into the mosh pit and tear you limb-from-limb or stand there laughing, shouting and chanting, giving it the horn of rock to the skies. There’s no half measures.

So have you been in a mosh-pit recently?

BB: Well, I tried to. I attempted to get into the mosh-pit at a Slipknot gig, but it’s very difficult because of the celebrity effect. You go in there, mosh, and people see who you are, lose their balance and fall over and you end up causing a domino effect, and it can actually be quite dangerous, so I try not to. It’s a health and safety issue.

So you’re banned now?

Yes. Well, unless there is a little poncy celebrity mosh area.

With a train station?

Haha. The train stops at the mosh area. There’s people like me and John Snow from Channel 4 News gently moshing.

Gently moshing?

Yeh, like a mild mosh.

Has that changed over your life? Was it more aggressive before?

I think so yes. To start with you could fling yourself around without worrying what was happening. Shirt off, chains flying out of your pockets along with your return rail ticket, money, everything gone. Then, gradually you just reign it in so I think I’ll be getting especially padded mosh wear.

Like a white jacket?

Well, yes and elbow pads. The thing is if you’re in a mosh and you’re wearing elbow pads they’ll know your heart’s not in it.

You don’t want protection. You need an element of risk.

Not only that but it looks a bit naff. Turning up for a mosh with cricket pads on isn’t trying.

So, how is your company Glass Box Productions going and what are your plans for the future?

Very well thank you. Next year we’re making a documentary, a two-part documentary, about the life of Alfred Wallace who was the contemporary of Darwin, and someone that I’ve been very interested in for a number of years. Mainly because I’ve travelled around the same areas of Indonesia that he travelled around in the 1850s and I think he has rather unfairly been forgotten as one of the co-creators of the theory of evolution along with Darwin. This program is to rehabilitate everything and educate people about his contribution to it and retrace his steps to find out why he was able to come up with the theory the way he did.

Fantastic, so there is quite a lot of the education element in your work?

Yes all of it is educational.

We’re always learning.

You’re always thinking, always learning.